metrocake

Last Friday, a quintessentially New York thing happened to me: I got stuck in an elevator. Specifically, stuck in an elevator on my way out to buy shoes during lunch. For twenty minutes. With this…guy.

It started out okay. He got in at his floor, the elevator went down. Suddenly, it bounced — but then seemed to settle down again. “Well, that doesn’t inspire confidence,” he said to me. I laughed, “No, it doesn’t. I’m sure it’s fine, now.”

Little did I know…

The elevator started slowing down, then stopped on the fifth floor. And there we sat. At first, it seemed like someone was trying to get in, and the doors were just stuck. After a minute or two, it became obvious that we weren’t going anywhere. After ringing the alarm, and talking to our lobby attendant, we found out that a fuse had blown in the elevator system and all the elevators were stuck.

And then the fun began.

Elevator Guy first decided he was just going to open the doors with his Manly Strength. I blinked, and as he was grunting and groaning, said, “Uh, I think you’re making a mistake. If you’re climbing out and power starts up again, you could be seriously hurt.” Elevator Guy glared at me and said, “We’re obviously on the fifth floor. If I can just get these doors open, I’m getting out.”

“Ooookaaay,” I thought, “carry on, then.”

Elevator Guy eventually began ringing the lobby, demanding to know why he couldn’t get the doors open. (Yes, I reisted the urge to say, “because you’re a weenie.”) The lobby attendant, Jack, said, “Because they’re electric doors and you have no power. You’re lucky you have lights and a fan.” Elevator Guy then swang into full gear. First, he called his office and demanded that they call building management to find out just what was happening and when he’d be out. Then he began calling his friends, Jekyll-and-Hyding from Psycho Dude to “Hey, braaaaa, wassup?” in the wink of a dial tone. When he was on the phone, he was all laid back and playing it up. Off the phone? Ringing the lobby alarm every five minutes, demanding to know what was happening, and getting increasingly obnoxious every time.

It was obvious he was nervous, maybe even frightened, and I understood that. Typically, I would have just started talking to him about anything — the weather, World Cup, whatever — to take his mind off of the circumstances. But he had already glared at me, and he was being so incredibly obnoxious that I didn’t want to talk to him. “Scared,” I understand and am willing to work with and comfort. “Jerk,” I’m not.

Finally, after him ringing the lobby over and over and over, I’d had enough. “You know,” I began politely, “it would probably help them fix this much faster if you eased up on the alarm. Every time they respond to you, they’re stopping what they’re doing.” He turned. He grimaced like a stuck bull. He bellowed, “You handle this YOUR way, I’ll handle it MINE!”

I stared. “Riiiight. It’s your party. Handle it your way, then.”

He then glared at me some more as I took out my iPod, popped on my headphones, then took out my Palm and leaned up against the wall — freshly cocooned in sound and videogames. (It helps to keep mobile toys in your purse at all times.) He continued to ring the alarm over and over, increasingly ignored by the lobby staff, as the electrician was trying to find the blown fuse. At one point, Jack offered to call offices if need be, to let people know we were okay. Elevator Guy responded with, “What good will that do? I’m still here. And I am NOT okay.” Me, mentally: “No, you’re NOT, in more ways than one, buddy.”

After thirty minutes of “Bejewled” for me, and the elevator alarm button for Elevator Guy, we headed down to the lobby, sprung free. Finally. Elevator Guy slammed out of the building without a word. Jack said he felt bad that I was stuck in there with him. And that’s all she wrote…until…

Epilogue
Apparantly, Elevator Guy’s exploits last week have spread throughout my office and the entire building. Random people in my office have stopped me and asked how the elevators have been lately. :) TKD was getting into the elevator, and Jack mentioned Elevator Guy. As TKD was answering, a woman in the elevator said, “Oh, THAT guy? He’s ours. And building management had to come and talk to his boss about his behavior.” (It seems Elevator Guy has had previous dustups with building staff before.) On the elevator today, even, a totally random woman said, “Yeah, I heard people got stuck in the elevator last week, and there was this guy…” I chimed in, “Yes, and I got STUCK with him!”

Moral of the story: Keep your iPod charged and handy, and play nice in the elevators — you never know who you’ll meet, or what will get around!