October 2007 Archives

I've had a headache since...damn...Monday afternoon. Could someone make it go away, please? I'm having it with an optical migrane, which means I'm also getting random flashes of lightning in front of my eyes. Every few hours, "blink...flash...ooo." Doc's visit is Friday morning. Lots of pain meds until then.

My poor Guildmates have put up with "Roe with headache" since Monday, too. I was a little grumpy on Monday night; a little out of it (800mg Motrin does that) last night. "I need to shoot that thing over there? The one that's wailing on our priest? SURE!" : hums silly little song, attempts to fire, watches as things go awry : Everyone kicked ASS last night, so I don't think my ineptness was overly noticeable...or was it?!

Just wait until they get me in an instance when tipsy. Or, as is typical, me and Rob, after dinner out, when we're both tipsy. >:) And on voice chat. Should be "interesting..."

Halloween parade is tonight; honestly, it's the last thing I'm in the mood to do today. Unfortunately, it's my last class of the semester, so I do feel compelled to show up. But really? All I want to do is go home, chill out, read, and obsess about Black Morass.

...just realized that all three sentences of that last paragraph had words with the suffix "ly" in them. Now I'm humming that Electric Company song... XD

What happens when you have waaaay too many display fonts.

I've had this massive, massive headache since last night that I just can't seem to kick. Therefore, today will be completely random. You have been warned!

• Was walking to the subway last night, listening to Deep Purple and the London Symphony Orchestra doing "Smoke on the Water." Ronnie James Dio was invited to sing the second verse, and I cracked myself up in the middle of the street when this thought popped into my head: "Ronnie James Dio is a tiny, tiny man."


• For the record, I quite like Ronnie James Dio. :) His voice does kick ass. Every once in a while, I'll scare R by singing the chorus to "Rainbow in the Dark."


• All of the above makes me want to start a World of Warcraft all-gnome metal band. It can be the Alliance answer to Level 70 Elite Tauren Chieftain. I'll call it "Mëtalgnöme!"


• And now the above needs a logo. Hmmmmmm. Oh, and everyone's going to need to use 3/4 scale instruments. Tiny hands, ya know.


• My last location photography class is tomorrow night. We're shooting the Greenwich Village Halloween Parade. On the one hand, I'm stoked -- I love the parade, and I've always wanted to shoot it -- on the other hand...Wednesday night! Drunk people! Huge crowds! COLD! So, maybe not so much. XD We'll see how I do. Can't believe the semester's over...


• And speaking of photography, check me out...I got a photo credit. :) It looks darker on their site, but still, yay.

The problem with writing about the dead is that they've stopped. Self-evident, I know... When I write about my father here, as I've written for seven years now, I find myself saying the same things -- maybe with a little more perspective, but the same things. I'm not going to suddenly have new memories of my Dad -- if anything, the ones I've got will get hazier and hazier as time goes by. It happens.

I'm thinking on this today because I went back and looked at my archives -- didn't want to repeat myself -- and found, indeed, that I would be. Maybe what I'll have to say in fifteen years will be quite different; maybe I'll write from the perspective of a parent, or someone who would be her father's age when he died. That would give me more in common with my father than my life right now, and might give me something different to say.

I went out to the cemetery to remember him yesterday -- it was seven years ago yesterday when I last saw him alive. Not the best of days. My mother called late last night; she was unhappy that I took the bus out on my own. It upset her. I don't think she understands that I'd rather it be that way -- I need to go on my own. My mother's perspective is very, very different -- for her, Dad just died yesterday. Still. (She is on anti-depressants; she was in therapy but has not seen her therapist for a year...despite the family asking her to.)

Lots to think about today.

Cemetery on Sunday now, as there's an 80% chance of rain and a chance of thunderstorms on Saturday. Don't think my Dad would appreciate my getting hit by lightning while standing at his graveside...as much as it would be appropriate for my Gothy little heart. :)

"...blow it out your hairdo, 'cause you work at Hardee's!"

I've discovered that people who name-drop -- friends, family, random strangers -- really set my teeth on edge. R and I went to see a play with a friend last night. She used to work for a major film festival here in New York, and a friend of hers was in the play, so she had reason to name drop -- but it still made me nuts. (For the record, my sister's husband is an actor; it makes me totally nuts when he does it, too.)

These two women behind us, though... During intermission, they decided to sit and chat very very loudly about some party they were at, "...and Sarah McLachlan got up and danced. And Bono was cracking jokes with Alicia Keys. And then Chris Rock said..." I stared at R. R stared at me. I whispered in his ear, "Just kill me. Please, kill me." And then started outright mocking them, 'cause really, what else is there to do?.

Something about industry people...they just get so superficial. Argh!

(Full disclosure: I used to work in a public relations agency with a theater arm. At one point, I was personal assistant to its head, who was the personal publicist for the man who created Cats. [Trying to avoid Google searches, here.] He was also involved with the Beatles way back, and had written a book about those experiences. He knew loooots of people...amazing Rolodex...and was the most superficial man I'd ever met. So I'm pretty sensitive to that.)

I'd rather hang with Internet Rockstars -- way more my bag. :)

(Lyrics from "Instant Club Hit," by the Dead Milkmen. I *heart* them.)

Having a crappy day today. I'm feeling overwhelmed with wedding things that haven't gotten done yet (and we're only six months off), work stuff, and I'm going out to the cemetery on Saturday.

Monday marks the seven-year anniversary of my father's death. In recent years, I've tried to come to accept everything, but I feel like this year will be particularly hard. A lot of that is centered around our wedding, and the fact that he won't be there. And, of course, extend that out to his having never met Rob, our kids, etc. The whole shebang, really.

For my first marriage, I had wavered on whether my father should walk me down the aisle or not -- tradition (and what would make him happy) vs. being 32, and not feeling like I was something to be given away. (Feminist rights, yeah! :) ) Ultimately, I decided on having him walk with me, and I was glad I did -- both on that day (in pictures, he looks so happy) and when he died, five weeks later.

Now, of course, I just don't have the luxury of choice. He's simply not going to be here -- I don't think even in spirit, I truly think he's moved on -- and there's just nothing I can do about that. I will stop at the cemetery at some point on wedding weekend (probably the day before), but...

As for who is walking me down the aisle -- I don't know. Maybe no one. I don't want our wedding day to be about who's not present -- my father, my grandparents -- so in a way, "substitute Dads" doesn't really work for me. It certainly will not be my mother, as she's still having major issues dealing with my father's death -- I think this would actually make it worse, and I know she's going to be having "missing Dad" coming up throughout the day. I'd thought about my brothers-in-law, and that still might happen, but I've a feeling it's going to be just me.

So this year may be a bad one. I just need to work through this. Dad's buried all the way out on the North Fork (Calverton National Cemetery), so I'll be taking the bus out and home on Saturday. Closest bus stop is Tanger Outlet -- no, really -- I have to take a cab to the cemetery from there. I've done it before, it's a long day. So Dad, then some kind of lunch, then maybe recovery outlet shopping (since I'm there, retail therapy may help) and then home.

And then some WoW carnage, I think. And that's my Saturday.

I had to deal with a kamikaze aloe vera plant this morning. :P I have a few aloe veras in a ceramic flowerbox -- one of them, though, has gotten extremely large and tilted over on its side. The roots have been pretty covered, so I haven't been too concerned. The aloe vera plant felt differently, however.

I'd given it a good watering last night, and went to go move the planter out of the bathtub (kitchen sink is too small) and back to its spot on our table. When I picked the planter up, the plant just fell out, onto the floor, taking huge chunks of dirt with it. Plop. Wham. "Arrrrggghhh!"

Called in late (damnit), cleaned up the mess, and hastily repotted the plant. It's now supported by some vases, so hopefully it will stay upright until I get home. Hopefully. Since it's a succulent, I didn't think I could just throw it in some water -- don't know if my crappy repotting was a good thing or bad.

The universe, making some kind of point, then had some soda bottles fall on me as I was grabbing some iced coffee out of the fridge. Apparently I need to expect everythng around me to drop like a stone today.

I had a great day with R yesterday. :) We went to the Met to see the Impressed by Light photography exhibit, and also caught the Depth of Field exhibit while we were at it. We also spent some time up on the roof.

The "Impressed by Light" exhibit makes me want to do some black-and-white or sepia shots -- I spent part of the time trying to figure if they would have been as impressive, as evocative if they were done in color. I'm thinking not.

The museum is always a great place to go -- chunks of it are closed, though, for renovations. I'm a bit surprised they've closed off as much of it as they have -- most of the American Wing is completely shut down. A bummer, as I've wanted R to see the Frank Lloyd Wright room for ages...and that probably won't be back open until 2009.

After the museum, we had some yumtastic French food, and R proved why I love him. :) We were discussing the phography exhibit, and R suddenly blurted, "So, basically, those photographers were geeks. They ran around the country messing with chemicals and paper and photosensitivity...and they were geeks!" I had to concur! :)

I got my photos from class uploaded to Flickr. I'm still seeing nothing but noise! >:/

So the big news that I've been alluding to since....forever ago? R and I are getting married. :) : squeeeeeee! : Our wedding date is May 3, and it will be out at a vineyard on Long Island.

R asked me on July 25, when we were staying at the Standard Hotel, in Los Angeles. We had spent the first fiew days of our vacation there with my sister, and then met some Guildies (hi, guys!) that afternoon. When we got to our hotel, we were pooped -- so we decided to relax, get room service, get cocktails, and enjoy the lovely view off our balcony. (Palm tree, L.A. skyline, and the moon -- works for me!) We were hugging and hanging, and he started telling me how wonderful I was...then suddenly got down on his knee! o_0 Of course I said "yes." He gave me a placeholder ring that he had gotten at the Sawdust Festival in Laguna Beach. We called our families that night, and then began to spread the word. It's taken longer than we expected, but we've finally spread it to enough folks that I can post it here. I will be picking out my engagement ring as soon as some of the other wedding details are settled.

I'm flipping out a little bit as the wedding's only 6.5 months off -- since we're going with a vineyard, we still need to get a caterer and possibly some furniture rental done, as well as a photographer and florist. Oh, and my dress, and my girls' dresses...and favors...oy. XD I will probably be getting my dress from J. Crew -- I'm looking at subtle and simple, not big poofy style -- and we're getting married in a barn, so the simpler the better. :) J. Crew told me I could have my dress by tomorrow, if I wanted. Since I'm not tiny, I need to think about that -- I was hoping to lose weight before the wedding, so need to see how realistic that goal will be, and balance that against when I need the dress. Maybe see where my weight is at in January, and order for size then...

OK, enough bridal babble -- now you know, and the big news has broken! :) : wheeeeee! :

I was chatting with R on the subway this morning, on our way to work. He said something about our phone system, and I mimed a happy floating ball and said, "Yay, R! Tell us how it works!" And then it hit me...everyone needs their own floating companion!

Think about it -- your very own cheering section/Greek chorus that follows you wherever you go. How useful! It could be extremely cute, and have the ability to hover and do things like check out traffic ahead, or fetch you flowers or alcohol when you're down. My personal companion would look like Keepon and have the personality of the Bad Idea Bears from Avenue Q, but you could create your own! Do a Warcraft one, make your own floating gnome, or even have an amorphous happy blob!

Everyone should have one. I'll get started on that right...uh....soon. :)

OK, so I survived photo class. :) I was told that I did well, had minor technical bobbles on some of my shots, need to find the metaphor, but overall, well. He liked my stuff. He told me to stop worrying about the noise.

* whew. *

I wish I'd gamed it just a little better...my critique was toward the middle of the class, but the second half, not the first. Tip: whenever you're doing a critique class, and especially if you only have one critique session for the semester, you never, never, never want to be among the last people up. By the time your instructor gets to you, they will have already discussed the same subjects at least fifteen times over, it's late, they don't really want to talk, and most important, they're just not looking at your work with fresh eyes.

Example: we had to shoot in a rock club. Lighting was hard, subjects were hard, folks came out with good stuff, but we all happened to take a shot of this one guitar. So...critiques. Everyone brought in their photo of the guitar. By the time the teacher got to me, he'd already discussed the guitar about ten times over. By the time our instructor got to the last student, it was about 10:30pm, and he'd now discussed the guitar 16 times before. No one's fault, and someone's got to go last...but whenever possible, make sure it's not you. Especially if it's a night class.

I'll post some shots over the weekend. :)

...and the noise won...

Let's see how class goes tomorrow night.

Grrrrrrr.

...and then make it go far, far away from my pictures for class. Please.

We were shooting under crappy light for almost the majority of the class. While I've got solid pictures in terms of subject and composition, production-wise? Not so much. Noise, noise, lots of noise...enough to make my stomach knot. Yes, it's a class, but these are also for portfolio pieces. You can have the best-composed photo in the world, but if it's got noise all over it, you still suck. And it doesn't belong in your portfolio.

Right now? I suck.

I will be playing with noise reduction filters for much of this night, I fear. And i need to bring a snack to class. I might hit up Fat Witch -- that'll get me an "A," right?!

Bad brain! Bad! (And no, not the Bad Brains, either...)

As the five of you who read this regularly know, I've been going through photos for my class critique on Wednesday night. I'm currently going through two sessions' worth of opera pictures -- I had the opportunity to shoot "Romeo and Juliet" not once, but twice. I'm looking for not just nice pictures, not even good pictures...but great pictures.

For logistical reasons (and my own inexperience), not everything has come out. It's okay. It's why I shoot a lot if pictures. It's also opera, where, hey, folks have their mouths open real wide at least 75% of the time -- doesn't make for flattering imagery, let alone great.

My current bus ride to hell, though, is because as I'm going through these, I'm captioning them in my head. I've already hummed the Officer Krupke song at least twice, and "When You're a Jet" is gonna come up any minute now...references to air drumming and Neil Peart have also come up in the wasteland of my brain.

I wonder if any of those opera folk have a sense of humor?...

This is wrong on just so many levels. I've actually held it in my own two hands -- we saw it in Forbidden Planet when out with friends last night. I went home with Alan Moore's Lost Girls instead...but someone may be getting that Averil comic as a gift someday. XD

For the record: Jim Hanley's Universe is actually my favorite NYC comic book store, as their layout's more comprehensible to me than some of the others here, and there's not such an emphasis on "all superheros, all the time." Good folks work there, too, and there's always groovy music playing. Other good ones are Midtown Comics and Cosmic Comics. Glad I live in an area where I have such a choice! I know I'm lucky that way.

Saw Porcupine Tree at the Beacon Theatre last night. It was our second time seeing them, and they are just so damned good. They were originally one of R's bands -- and then became my band -- because their main driving force (Steven Wilson) actually likes the same things I do, and it comes through, which makes me a happy girl. While their latter work is quite progressive and metally, there's also nice bass lines and intricate rhythms...and their earlier work gives more than a passing bow to electronica (yay). They're still playing out on the East Coast, so if you can, go. :)

Steven Wilson is also extraordinarily prolific -- he's got at least four other projects happening at the same time as Porcupine Tree -- so if Tree isn't your bag, other things he does might be!

The one thing I just can't figure out: how does he keep his glasses on while banging his head?! One of life's mysteries...

...then the only word is screwed. XD

I've got my Location Photography critique coming up on Wednesday night, where I need to bring in 12-15 of the best shots I've taken so far through the course of the semester.

Wanna know how many shots I've actually taken? Around...1,700. All of which I need to go through before the end of Tuesday night. :readies coffee pot :

WoW buddies, you may not be seeing much of me 'till Thursday...unless I'm giving my eyes a break. Some of them may even get posted here. :) "Fruits of my labor" and all...

It looks more Cakelike in here. :)

Had a great instance run through Botanica last night -- thanks, guys! -- but was up a little late. Proceeded to not get any sleep last night. :P

R forgot to take his cough medicine so he kept waking me up (and yes, I was good and got him water and tried to get him to sit up). When i did sleep, my subconscious kept imploding and giving me the same nightmare...over and over again. One of my really bad ones, to boot. So sleep, nightmare, R cough, wake up, lather, rinse, repeat.

I'm pretty out of it today. I'm going to make other people proof things...

Elizabeth Taylor vs. Robert Smith. Oh, Liz! Oh, Rob! Oh, my GOD...

Bought shiny new camera bag. Got it extra-large to hold not only camera gear, but also purse stuff. Now I only need one bag! Yay, yay!

Or not.

Shiny new bag has, I've realized, no outside pocket. To get to my subway card, or my keys, or my wallet, I need to open the whole shebang -- look, there's my camera, hi, hi! -- which kind of defeats getting the whole "camera bag that does not look like a camera bag" selling point. If folks can see your camera whilst getting your wallet? They'll know it's a camera bag. Genius!

Also -- shiny new bag has velcro. Lots of it. Velcro to get to the camera. Velcro again to get to my memory cards. That's two rounds of noisy, noisy velcro to change a memory card out...and I'm shooting an opera tomorrow night. Noisy velcro bad during operas. I don't want to get pegged by an angry Viking.

I've already swapped my gear back into my old, smaller, quieter bag. Not sure if new and shiny is a keeper or not -- it wasn't cheap, and I know now I cannot have it in specific situations. Meh!

Had a great dinner with a close friend of ours, and now R and I are hanging out playing Warcraft. I'm a little tipsy, but that's okay. :) It was so nice to just go out and chat. We really, really need to do that more often.

Yeah, custom design coming soon. XD

Lots has happened -- still haven't posted about my big news, and I'm not going to try to do it now -- but have upgraded my Movable Type system to 4.0. Finally. I'm using a default style for now -- better that than nothing -- it's cute, it's New York, it works for me, and it means I'm not waiting to write in here until I get a custom design done.

More tomorrow, Bed now. :)