metrocake

I know that I’ll be missing my Dad for the rest of my life, and I’ve gotten pretty good at it. He’s been gone for seven years, after all. But for some reason, whenever I think about him not being at my wedding, I break down and it’s like he died yesterday. It’s that level of grief.

And, uh, wedding’s coming up soon. I need to deal with this, and I don’t know how.

I’d like to have some mention of those who aren’t here in our ceremony. The challenge, of course, is that 1. I don’t want to make this a memorial service — it’s a wedding, after all, and 2. I really, really don’t want to cry at this level during the wedding. “”Scuse me, the bride needs a bawl break, she’ll be right back. Tissues are in the gazebo, honey!”

I’ve read some other things, such as leaving an empty chair at the ceremony with roses on it and displaying pictures with flowers in front of them…again, a little too “memorial service” for me. One nice suggestion was to carry Dad’s picture in my bouquet somehow, that might work. We were also planning to do a digital frame or two with pictures of me and R, both together and separate, with our families. Shots of my dad and grandparents could certainly go in there. :) And I plan to mention my dad and grandparents somewhere in our program.

None of this helps with the fact that he’s not going to be there. And I know that some would gently tell me, “He’ll be there in spirit,” but I’m not so sure that’s the case. I think, after he died, Dad’s spirit hung around for a while, but I also think he’s since moved on. I haven’t felt him around in quite some time. I’d love to be proven wrong, but I can’t hold out much hope.

Honoring him is the best I can do.